My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize