It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize