I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
