My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
