He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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