dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
