He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
