Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i've created a new STD.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
