Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
