If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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