Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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