broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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