Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
