There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
