awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
