I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
