They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You've changed since you got that strap on
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
