I could have mohawked her pubes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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