I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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