If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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