had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
