I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you will always have a special place in my vag
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
