I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
