Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
im six kinds of drunk right now
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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