and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
