want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
