i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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