so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
