Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
