But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just invented taco cereal.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
