2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
