Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
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