I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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