so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
