two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
