pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
handjob tips. give me some.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got inside last night via doggy door
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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