Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
