I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize