I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All I want is dick and wine.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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