I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
