Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I don't think brook has ever known best
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
