so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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