my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
