an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
