i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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