I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize