The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
