Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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