she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Rumble strips road head = magical
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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