I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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