please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
