i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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