If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
