Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
