it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
