I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
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I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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