i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
