can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
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so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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