My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
