So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
