You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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