dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
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he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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