the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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