? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
