i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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