It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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