I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How does it feel to date your dad?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize