Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
