So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
