I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
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So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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