Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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